Grief And Jealousy Collide After An Ex's Death

Dear Sugars

情感与人际关系

2016-03-05

24 分钟
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The Sugars receive a pained letter from a young woman whose ex-boyfriend was recently murdered in an altercation at a bar. His death came not long after she had cut off communication in an effort to move on. She's grappling not just with feelings of sorrow and guilt, but jealousy — toward a young woman who came into his life after they'd broken up.
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  • Dear sugar is supported by.

  • Dear Sugars.

  • My ex boyfriend, I'll call him John, was murdered two weeks ago.

  • He stood up for a friend when a man made a crude and offensive comment in a bar, and the man stabbed John to death six times, including in his neck and heart.

  • His heart, which only a few months ago I felt was my heart, too.

  • He was 26 years old, kind hearted and brilliant.

  • John and I dated for a little over a year, and we broke up six months ago.

  • I'm 24.

  • He was my first real boyfriend, first love, and at this point in my life, my only love.

  • Our relationship was precious and special to both of us.

  • He always told me it was the best relationship he'd ever been in, which made it even more confusing when he very suddenly broke up with me.

  • He could never explain why he broke up with me.

  • All he said was that he felt it was something he needed to do.

  • Our breakup was messy and complicated, and I was heartbroken.

  • We went back and forth for months, me begging him to change his mind, us briefly getting back together for a few weeks, when finally, after about four months of this torture, I was finally convinced by my therapist and friends that I needed to cut ties with him for good.

  • I know he knew that I still deeply loved him and I had to cut off communication with him to move on.

  • But this is one point of torture for me in my grief, the regret I feel about the terms we were on when he died.

  • The second point of torture is more petty, and it makes me feel stupid to even care about it.

  • Less than a week after I cut off contact with John, he went to a conference in another city where he met a woman I know.

  • They communicated for a few weeks afterwards, and then she flew to the city where we live to visit.