A to Z Dear Jack (and Xochitl) 13 | "Feeling Ex-ed Out"

Dear Xochitl and Jack, I've been dating someone for a few months, and things were going well until they started talking about their ex constantly. It's making me uncomfortable, and I'm not sure how to address it without sounding jealous. How can I communicate my feelings and ask for some boundaries without causing a rift in our relationship? Sincerely, Feeling Ex-ed Out Transcript: 00:00:00 발표자 1 Dear Jack. 00:00:03 Jack Welcome to the A-Z English podcast. My name is Jack and I'm here with my co-host social. And today we are doing a dear Jack episode, but it's a dear social and Jack episode and this is where I read one of our listeners problems and then we give some advice. 00:00:23 Jack To the listener, so this one is dear, social and Jack. I've been dating someone for a few months and things were going well until they started talking about their ex constantly. 00:00:37 Jack Ex. Meaning like ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. It's making me uncomfortable and I'm not sure how to address it without sounding jealous. How can I communicate my feelings and ask for some boundaries? 00:00:52 Jack Without causing a problem in our relationship, sincerely feeling exed out. 00:01:02 Xochitl OK, I think there's two reasons, potential reasons. I'm sure there's many more, but there's two potential reasons for this happening that spring to my mind. One is either the person. 00:01:18 Xochitl Wasn't well. There's three big ones. I personally wasn't ever fully over their ex and either they've started talking to their ex again and they're like cheating on you or thinking about cheating on you and getting back together. 00:01:31 Xochitl With their ex or. 00:01:35 Xochitl They could not have any contact with their ex but missed their last relationship and sometimes it's not even about how they were treated. So I think sometimes it's not that we miss. 00:01:50 Xochitl Our ex in a in a personal situation, I've been this person who talked. 00:01:53 Xochitl About sex a. 00:01:54 Xochitl Lot and it's not that I missed the guy. It's like I missed the way I was treated in that relationship. So I think sometimes it's worth bringing up. I don't think there's anything wrong with sounding jealous personally, because. 00:02:10 Xochitl It is kind of on the person bringing up their ex like they should. 00:02:13 Xochitl Be made aware of the fact they're doing this and and if they turn it around and make it your problem, say ohh you sound so jealous or whatever then you know that's a red. That's another red flag about that person. So. 00:02:29 Xochitl Yeah. What do you think, Jack? 00:02:31 Jack Yeah, I think I think those three are correct. I mean, either they're either they're still not over their ex and they want to get back together or they already are back together and dating you at the same time or they're trying to hurt your feelings, like trying to make you, you know, it's like a it's a perfect weapon you can weaponize. 00:02:51 Jack Is it? 00:02:52 Jack In a relationship right where you can talk about your ex and make the person you're with feel jealous and and. 00:03:00 Jack Yeah, for less than less than I am. I'm just trying to think like, so I think when someone starts doing this in a relationship, you have to say something or you could just break up with that person. I mean, it doesn't. You don't have to keep. 00:03:16 Jack Getting them? They should know better. It's really, really bad behavior. I mean, it's really rude, you know. 00:03:25 Xochitl That's on me. I guess mine is a funny situation though. I said I'm just going to talk about mine cause it won't make. 00:03:32 Jack Yeah. Yeah. OK, sorry. 00:03:32 Xochitl Me look a. 00:03:32 Xochitl Little bit better. So that's probably why. 00:03:34 Jack I didn't. I didn't. 00:03:35 Jack Mean to. Yeah. Through that your yeah. 00:03:35 Xochitl No, no, Jack, it's fine. I I agree. I acknowledge that I. 00:03:39 Xochitl Just in my. 00:03:40 Xochitl Particular situation the person was treating me really