How to Find "The One": The Science of Dating with Tim Molnar

如何找到“那个对的人”:与蒂姆·莫拉纳探讨恋爱的科学

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

2026-02-16

45 分钟
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Modern dating can feel exhausting. On one hand, there’s the seemingly endless swiping that leads to dating app burnout; on the other, there’s what can feel like the insurmountable challenge of meeting someone in real life. But what if finding love is less about fate — and more about strategy? Dr. Laurie sits down with behavioral scientist and dating coach Tim Molnar, author of Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance, to explore what the research really says about how to meet the right person, build genuine connection, and avoid common dating mistakes. Resources mentioned in this episode: Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance “Receptivity to Sexual Invitations from Strangers of the Opposite Gender” How to Bounce Back from Life’s Curveballs (with Dr. Maya Shankar) “Computations of Uncertainty Mediate Acute Stress Responses in Humans” “Implementation Intentions and Goal Achievement: A Meta-Analysis of Effects and Processes”  “Forbes Health Survey: 78% Of All Users Report Dating App Burnout” “Foot-in-the-Door Technique Using a Courtship Request” “Getting Beyond Small Talk: Study Finds People Enjoy Deep Conversations with Strangers” “Grammar Is Super Important to Online Dating Sites, So Try to Speak English Good” “ Swipe-based dating applications use and its association with mental health outcomes: a cross-sectional study” (00:02:17) Date Smarter: A Strategic Guide to Navigating Modern Romance See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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  • Pushkin.

  • Admitted.

  • At some point, you probably fantasized about meeting somebody that you really clicked with.

  • And in that fantasy, things are really great.

  • You're into them.

  • They're into you.

  • You get a little jolt of joy every time you see a text from their number.

  • Over time, you start to think, huh, I might love this person.

  • Or even, this is the human I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

  • But of course, there are some steps you need to go through before it gets to that point.

  • Before that happens, I'm going to have to have a relationship at all before that's going to happen.

  • I'm going to have to go on a date and before that's going to happen,

  • I am going to have to get a date.

  • This is Tim Malnar, a social scientist turned dating coach in Boulder, Colorado.

  • Before Tim became an expert on the science of dating, he was pretty much the opposite.

  • My initial approach to love was very much based on this idea that love will happen when it happens.

  • I just wasn't very proactive.

  • I was spending a lot of time pursuing self-actualization and so trying to make sure that I was getting into the right grad schools and I was playing soccer over in Europe for a while,

  • learning new languages,

  • doing all of these things that I thought would make me a more interesting partner.