Men Beyond Utility with Dr. John Delony

超越实用主义的男人们 —— 约翰·德洛尼博士访谈录

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

2025-05-27

35 分钟
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In this episode of Good Inside, Dr. Becky talks with bestselling author and mental health expert Dr. John Delony about the utility trap — the pressure many men feel to always be useful, fix problems, and provide solutions, often at the expense of emotional connection. John shares his own experiences as a dad learning to step out of “fix-it mode” and into emotional presence, vulnerability, and attunement. If you’ve ever felt stuck in the role of provider or problem-solver, or you’re parenting with someone who is, this conversation is a powerful invitation to redefine what it really means to show up. Get the Good Inside App by Dr. Becky: https://bit.ly/4fSxbzk Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Sign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcast. As parents, the mental load is real—to-do lists, doctor’s appointments, sports practices, work events, birthday parties… Should I keep going? If your family is anything like mine, it can feel like there are a thousand things to remember and your brain is running on overdrive. What if I told you there's a way to bring a little more calm and clarity to your chaotic, always-changing family schedule? Meet Skylight Calendar. It’s a central, easy-to-see touchscreen with clear colors, so everyone in your family can stay in the loop. As someone obsessed with efficiency, it almost feels like magic how seamlessly it syncs with all of the calendars you're already using—Google Calendar, Apple Calendar, Outlook, and more. I truly see this tool as your partner in sharing the mental load with your kids AND partner. And because life doesn't stop when you leave the house, Skylight offers a free companion app. You can add or update events, check off to-do lists, and stay in sync with your family no matter where you are. Another great feature: If you're not completely thrilled within 120 days, you can return it for a full refund. Ready to say goodbye to calendar chaos and hello to a more organized and connected family life? Right now, Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch Calendars. Just go to skylightcal.com/BECKY for $30 off. This offer expires December 31, 2025. Today’s episode is also brought to you by Great Wolf Lodge. As a mom of three kids, I’m always on the lookout for family adventures that offer something for everyone (including myself!). That’s why Great Wolf Lodge is high on our list of future destinations! They offer a world of fun, all under one roof, including water slides, a lazy river, a massive wave pool, arcade games, mini golf and nightly dance parties! With 23 locations all across North America, and more on the way, chances are there’s a Great Wolf Lodge just a short drive away from you. You can save up to 40% off on any stay at Great Wolf Lodge from now through August 31st when you book at participating lodges. Just visit GreatWolf.com and enter the promo code “GoodInside” – when you book.
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  • So I'm on my book tour and this dad comes up to me after and he said I just have to share the story

  • because you were kind of like in my head this morning that tell me more he goes it was this morning I was trying to get my son out the door to school and he was being difficult,

  • right?

  • He was delaying one get his shoes on and he's

  • like I Really could see the way my dad like would have responded to me.

  • I don't know if for sure it's a memory, but I could have guessed.

  • What's wrong with you?

  • You're going to make me late to work.

  • Let's go.

  • A lot of yelling.

  • I would have felt scared.

  • He's like, instead, I heard something you shared, you know, a few times that you could do.

  • And I heard myself then say this to my son that what I ended up saying was, you know,

  • when I was young, I also used to have some warnings when I didn't want to go to school.

  • He's like, that's all I said.

  • And I didn't expect it.

  • to be magical in the moment,

  • even though I kind of knew it would feel good just to relate to him instead of yell at him.

  • And he's like,

  • and it turned out he then just wanted to hear about when I was four and five and how I didn't like to go to school