The Cost of Compliance for Our Kids

合规之代价,于吾儿

Good Inside with Dr. Becky

2025-11-11

36 分钟
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We often think of “good” kids as those who listen and follow rules, but what if constant compliance comes with a long-term cost? Dr. Becky talks with Dr. Sunita Sah, author of Defy: The Power of No in a World that Demands Yes, about rethinking defiance, the downsides of over-compliance, and helping kids balance cooperation with self-respect. Get the Good Inside App by Dr. Becky: https://bit.ly/4fSxbzk Your Good Inside membership might be eligible for HSA/FSA reimbursement! To learn more about how to get your membership reimbursed, check out the link here: https://www.goodinside.com/fsa-hsa-eligibility/ Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Sign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcast. Thank you to our sponsor Hot Wheels. Check out our full series with Hot Wheels at hotwheels.com/challengeaccepted. Thank you to our sponsor, Airbnb — because during the holidays, it’s nice to love your family and have your own space. Find your getaway or host your home at airbnb.com/host. Thank you to our sponsor DREO. Check out the DREO Baby Humidifier at https://bit.ly/3WtcliS and use code Becky20 for 20% off. Ever feel like you love your kid but don’t really like them right now? Join Dr. Becky’s live workshop, “Why Is Everything a Battle?”, on Wednesday, November 19th, to learn why your “resilient rebel” acts the way they do—and get real strategies to make power struggles easier. Visit goodinside.com/defiance. At Good Inside, we’re shifting the narrative - away from instinct and toward education - because parenting isn’t something that just comes naturally. And the first step to real, cycle-breaking change? Understanding yourself—and the patterns you fall into. I’ve said it before: every parent has a pattern. But have you ever stopped to ask… what’s yours? Take the free quiz at **goodinside.com/better** to discover your parenting pattern. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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  • If you're a parent, you know this moment.

  • You look at your kid after making a simple request and they just say, no.

  • Or they escalate and say, you can't make me.

  • You're just trying to brush their teeth.

  • You're just trying to leave the playground.

  • You're just trying to have a simple transition moment of getting out the door.

  • And instead, it is a power struggle.

  • And then maybe you start telling other people, I have a defiant kid.

  • My kid is so defiant.

  • I love thinking about this word defiance.

  • And look, as a parent of three, I know these moments.

  • They are so inconvenient.

  • They are so exhausting.

  • And I think a lot of us also think, I would have never done this when I was a kid.

  • I was terrified of my parents.

  • I really felt this pressure to be good.

  • You're going to love this conversation and it's going to turn on its head so many of the things that we tend to accept as true.

  • I'm talking today with Dr.

  • Sinita Sa.

  • She's a professor at Cornell, and she wrote the book Defy,