Why You Keep Repeating the Same Relationship Patterns — and How Attachment Styles Actually Change (with Thais Gibson)

Why do couples swear they’ll “do better next time” — and then fall into the exact same fights again? In this episode, we’re joined by Thais Gibson, leading attachment theory expert and founder of The Personal Development School, to unpack why relationship change often doesn’t stick — and what actually works at the subconscious and nervous system level. We talk about how attachment styles, core wounds, and nervous system responses quietly drive conflict, shutdown, and disconnection — even when both partners deeply care. Thais shares practical tools for rewiring attachment patterns so couples and individuals can move toward secure attachment, emotional safety, and real connection. If you’ve ever felt stuck, triggered, or discouraged because insight alone hasn’t changed your relationship, this conversation will give you hope and concrete next steps. In This Episode, We Cover:Why insight and “trying harder” don’t change relationship patternsHow attachment wounds form — and why they repeat in adult relationshipsThe difference between subconscious vs. unconscious patternsWhy couples fight about surface issues (like laundry or tone) when the real pain runs deeperHow anxious, avoidant, and fearful-avoidant attachment styles experience conflict differentlyThe role of the nervous system in emotional shutdown, defensiveness, and reactivityA step-by-step tool for rewiring core attachment wounds using memory, imagery, and emotionWhy affirmations often fail — and what works insteadHow partners unknowingly validate each other’s deepest fearsWhat secure attachment actually looks like in real relationships (not perfection)Key Takeaways:You’re not broken — your nervous system learned patterns to surviveMost relationship conflict is driven by subconscious meaning, not the present momentAttachment styles can be rewired, not just managedEmotional safety changes behavior faster than logicSecure attachment is a skill, not a personality traitAbout Our GuestThais Gibson is a globally recognized expert in attachment theory and the founder of The Personal Development School, where she has helped millions of people understand and rewire their relationship patterns. Her work integrates neuroscience, attachment theory, and practical tools for lasting emotional change. Resources Mentioned:Free Attachment Style Quiz: https://www.personaldevelopmentschool.comYouTube: Thais Gibson – Personal Development SchoolInstagram: @thepersonaldevelopmentschool Who This Episode Is ForCouples who feel disconnected but still careIndividuals stuck in repeating relationship patternsAnyone curious about attachment theory beyond surface-level explanationsPartners who want real tools — not just insight Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/he-said-she-said/donations Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands