The Economist.
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Attacked by Russia, economically submerged by China and forsaken by America,
Europe can still be trusted to focus on the things that matter,
like say the proper way to cook spaghetti carbonara.
Upon discovering last month that a shop in the European Parliament in Brussels was selling jars of ready-made carbonara sauce that apparently used the wrong ingredients,
Francesco Lollabrigida, Italy's agriculture minister,
reacted with the solemn intensity one might expect for matters of war and peace.
How could a carbonara containing cream, crema, madonna mia,
and the incorrect cut of pork ever be worthy of the name.
What next?
Pineapple on pizza?
This was plainly unacceptable, fumed the populist minister,
who happens to be a brother-in-law of Georgia Maloney, the prime minister.
An investigation was sternly demanded.
Faced with existential threats,