Secret Service Agent: Never Label Someone A Narcissist! This Habit Makes People Hate Talking To You!

秘密特工:永远不要将某人称为自恋狂!这个习惯会让人们讨厌与你交谈!

The Diary Of A CEO with Steven Bartlett

2025-12-01

1 小时 21 分钟
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Ex-Secret Service interrogator DESMOND O’NEILL reveals the 4-step formula for difficult conversations, how to decode narcissism, the secret to communication and real connection - AND debunks the biggest myths about interrogation! Desmond O’Neill is a former special agent for the US Secret Service with over 30 years of experience in negotiation and interrogation. He has worked for the High-Value Detainee Interrogation Group (HIG) training and conducting research on interrogation, and is a co-instructor for the online platform ‘Beyond Bulletproof’, covering influence, communication, and confidence. He explains: ◼️Why you should never label someone a narcissist ◼️The No.1 habit silently ruining your communication ◼️Why “me me me” syndrome is sabotaging your relationships ◼️How gaslighting really works, and how to shut it down fast ◼️Why your brain lies to you when emotions take over 00:00 Intro 04:48 What Are Your Experiences? 06:23 Experience With Violent Interrogation 08:34 How Do I Have a Difficult Conversation? 09:58 How to Spot When Someone Is Gaslighting You 11:19 PLAN Framework 14:58 The Hardest Conversations You've Had to Navigate 19:40 If They Do This, They're Lying 21:52 Be a Better Listener 24:08 Controlling Comes From Listening, Not Talking 24:33 Asking Questions 28:38 Obvious Body Language to Look Out For 31:28 Finding Resolution With People 33:38 What if They Start Insulting You 35:31 How to Keep Your Emotions in Check 37:07 How to Stay in Control 40:11 Me Me Me Syndrome 43:06 Ads 44:08 How to Get Someone to Open Up 46:30 The Difference Between Manipulation and Influence 48:49 Influencing People 51:27 How to Build Trust 55:03 How Do You Get Trust Back? 55:27 How to Be a Great Leader 56:36 Making Decisions 1:01:02 Own Your Decisions 1:05:29 Ads 1:07:39 Building Rapport 1:11:47 Main Takeaways 1:13:33 Don't Tell People You Understand 1:17:14 What Decision Do You Most Regret? You can learn more about ‘Beyond Bulletproof’, here: https://bit.ly/43SKyMW  The Diary Of A CEO: ◼️Join DOAC circle here - https://doaccircle.com/  ◼️Buy The Diary Of A CEO book here - https://smarturl.it/DOACbook  ◼️The 1% Diary is back - limited time only: https://bit.ly/3YFbJbt  ◼️The Diary Of A CEO Conversation Cards (Second Edition): https://g2ul0.app.link/f31dsUttKKb  ◼️Get email updates - https://bit.ly/diary-of-a-ceo-yt  ◼️Follow Steven - https://g2ul0.app.link/gnGqL4IsKKb  Sponsors: Adobe - https://Adobe.Ly/OneBetter   Rubrik: To learn more, head to https://rubrik.com  Function Health: https://Functionhealth.com/DOAC to sign up for $365 a year. One dollar a day for your health.
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  • I've got a difficult conversation I want to have with someone and they might be a narcissist.

  • So let's stop there because if you just blatantly label somebody as being a narcissist,

  • you're not going to be able to really understand who this person is and why they are the way they are.

  • But when you need to go into a dark conversation to make things simple,

  • there are four things that you can do because we all have those conversations.

  • We have a supervisor who we feel is overlooking us in a promotion,

  • maybe our spouse we got to fight with,

  • your friend who's betrayed us,

  • and they're cloaked in so much emotion or so much tension that you don't know how to handle that.

  • But there's also three things that you should stop doing such as stop telling people you understand.

  • Why?

  • This is what we're going to talk about.

  • For over 30 years,

  • former Secret Service agent Desmond O'Neill has used science-backed interrogation techniques against some of the world's biggest liars.

  • He's trained elite teams from the FBI to the CIA.

  • And now, in his first public conversation,

  • he's laying out the frameworks you need to communicate effectively,

  • how to lead, and how to get anyone to open up.

  • When it comes to being able to communicate with somebody,

  • the victory lies in the little things that you do.