If You Feel Like A Different Person Around Family, Watch This | Jerry Wise

如果你在家人面前感觉像另一个人,看看这个 | 杰瑞·怀斯

The Daily Motivation

2025-11-29

7 分钟
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Leave an Amazon Rating or Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Check out the full episode: https://greatness.lnk.to/1747 "You're being a pseudo self to yourself. You're being the family super self to yourself." - Jerry Wise There's something unsettling about watching a CEO who commands boardrooms admit they can't tell their parents they want to change the time for Christmas dinner. Jerry Wise has spent decades watching successful people crumble the moment they step back into their childhood homes, reverting to versions of themselves they don't recognize. The breakthrough comes when you realize that voice in your head, the one constantly criticizing and pushing and never letting up, isn't actually you at all. It's what Wise calls the "family super self," this emotional WiFi network you've been connected to since birth, transmitting their anxieties and standards and judgments straight into your nervous system. You've been living as a pseudo self, acting out patterns you never chose, defending behaviors that hurt you because somewhere along the way you confused survival mechanisms with success strategies. What makes this conversation so powerful is how Wise dismantles the myth that self-criticism equals achievement. That president who can't stand up to mom and dad will swear up and down that being brutal with himself is what got him where he is, never stopping to wonder why he needs his family's harsh voice to stay motivated. Wise explains enmeshment not as some abstract psychology term but as the painful truth that many of us don't know where we end and our families begin. The path forward isn't cutting everyone off or pretending the past didn't happen. It's learning to hold space between yourself and them, to stay connected while finally, maybe for the first time, being yourself. Your inner child has been waiting for this, for the moment when the conflict stops and you can just exist without performing, without proving, without that relentless internal commentary that was never yours to begin with. Sign up for the Greatness newsletter: http://www.greatness.com/newsletter Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.
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  • Hi, my name is Lewis Howes and welcome to the Daily Motivation Show.

  • So when we are in conflict with ourselves or hypercritical of ourselves,

  • whether it be our adult or inner child self, how is that hurting us or helping us?

  • The thing is, first of all, I might say you're not being your true self.

  • You're being a pseudo self to yourself You're being the family super self to yourself when you're acting that way when you're acting that way Interesting that that's not you but you think it's you and I'm going it really isn't it's You're bringing the family trance trance Wi-Fi Super self we call

  • because all the family Connects to this big super self that's all enmeshed Emotionally and and we even know biologically.

  • I there's a way to yeah, of course and That you're now not you're not when somebody's going well,

  • and I'm fine with being hyper critical of myself I'm not gonna look at my inner child,

  • but every time I hear you being self-critical in a negative way in towards yourself.

  • I'm going Why are you not being yourself?

  • Hmm because would yourself do that and they'd probably go Well,

  • no, I wouldn't then then where is that coming from?

  • You know, well, it's just what I've always done.

  • Oh Well now that we're going to all what's always been done.

  • Okay My point the what's always been done doesn't mean it's the best way that you can live your life Exactly and and all of us have negative parts of all those things But I want to have fewer a less I want to have less of a pseudo self less of a non real self that's me and all that hypercriticalness is being the family self.

  • That's your family self and I'm going You want to be successful by being your family self and you've told me how bad that all was You're doing it.

  • You're repeating it right now.

  • Yeah, you may not be doing this to others, but you're doing it to you.

  • Right, right.

  • Yeah, I don't do that to other people Okay, do you ever do it to you?