The Secret to Making Friends as an Adult

成年人交朋友的秘诀

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

2022-09-06

32 分钟
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Loneliness is a far more common and far more serious problem than we think. It affects one in five Americans, and takes a toll on our bodies and minds. To thrive we need to several types of social interactions - both casual and more intimate.   With the help of US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy; Harvard Divinity School fellow Casper ter Kuile; and friendship expert Marisa Franco; Dr Laurie Santos looks at how loneliness might be affecting you or someone you know, and what science-back steps you can take to increase your circle of friends.  For further reading:  Vivek Murthy - Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. Marisa Franco - Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make—and Keep—Friends as an Adult. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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  • Pushkin.

  • It's Miami in the 1980s inside a local elementary school.

  • And one of the students, Vivek, is feeling out of place.

  • He's new to the city, new to the country even,

  • and he's experiencing something that many of us are at least a little familiar with.

  • Vivek is feeling lonely.

  • Experiencing loneliness had very much to do with shyness.

  • I was actually not deeply introverted.

  • I wanted to spend time with other people, but I was really shy and I had a dark time making friends.

  • Young Vivek lived in the shadow of that loneliness.

  • The schoolyard, his homeroom, and lunch tables may have been bustling,

  • but no one seemed to stop to get to know the shy young boy in their midst.

  • Going to school each day was stressful and I was always worried about cafeteria at lunchtime and sitting alone.

  • I was worried about what would happen in the playground when people were choosing teams and I was worried that I might be chosen last,

  • even though I had good athletic ability,

  • but I just didn't have a lot of close friendships with people.

  • The vague feelings of sadness and isolation extended beyond the school day.

  • He went home to a supportive family, but he held his loneliness closely.

  • It was his secret, his biggest source of shame.

  • It was something he wasn't willing to share with anyone.