I'm not super excited to admit this, but I'm going to anyway.
Throughout my life, I've gone through phases of low self esteem.
Now this.
I'm not embarrassed to admit.
This is normal.
We all experience this.
What I am embarrassed to admit is one of the things that happens during these phases of low self esteem.
For as long as I can remember, phases of low self esteem has caused me to fixate on one person, to compare myself to one specific person.
Now it changes every time.
Each phase of low self esteem comes with a new person to compare myself to incessantly.
But without fail, I always find one person that I believe is better than me in every single way that I decide to compare myself to throughout the duration of the phase.
Part of me is like, impressed by my subconscious that my brain just decides to pick one person that for whatever reason, is, my God, during the, you know, duration of the phase.
Like, it's so bizarre that my brain decides to choose one person, but for whatever reason it does.
And usually it's through social media.
Not always, but usually.
And I will compare myself to this person in every single way.
Their appearance, their relationship, or lack thereof.
Their friend group, their job, their family situation.
Like everything.
I choose one person and I just use them as a weapon against myself.