I had an epiphany recently that for my entire life thus far, I have been trying to grow up way too fast.
I felt this fire under my ass to grow up since I was in preschool.
It started in preschool with wanting to find a boyfriend.
Okay.
Literally at three or four years old, I became obsessed with this idea of having a boyfriend because I wanted to be like the adults that I admired, and all of them were in relationships.
And so in preschool, I started having crushes on boys, and I wanted to be in a relationship.
Now that was pretty innocent and harmless.
In middle school and high school, it got a little bit more serious.
I still wanted to be in a relationship, but it was less because I admired the adults in my life, and it was more because my peers would think it was cool to be mature, was cool to my peers.
I wanted to find a boyfriend.
I wanted to have my first kiss.
I wanted to lose my virginity.
I wanted to do all of these things that I knew deep down I wasn't ready for, but I knew that my peers would praise me if I did.
I also tried to dress more mature when I was in middle school and high school.
You know, I really wanted to buy short shorts.
I really wanted to buy a bra, my first real brae.
Why?
Because that's what all the cool, mature people were wearing.
And why were they wearing that?
Because they can.