my nonexistent birthday party, i'm ranting again

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• 00:00

  I think I have a birthday party mental block.

• 00:02

  For the last probably ten years, I have refused to throw myself a birthday party.

• 00:09

  And this year was no different.

• 00:10

  I just turned 23 and I made the decision that once again, I was not going to throw myself a birthday party.

• 00:17

  And it is kind of weird because I actually enjoy birthday parties.

• 00:22

  I love going to other people's birthday parties.

• 00:25

  Love, like, when it comes up on the calendar, I get excited.

• 00:29

  Like when someone texts me and says, hey, next week I'm having a birthday party.

• 00:33

  I'm elated.

• 00:35

  Elated.

• 00:35

  I love birthday parties.

• 00:37

  I really do.

• 00:38

  But my God, do I hate throwing one for myself.

• 00:43

  When I look inward and reflect on why I never throw a birthday party for myself, I think it's because, number one, I fear that it would be an inconvenience in people's schedules, which makes no sense because I get excited when somebody's birthday party comes up in the calendar.

• 01:02

  It's not a burden to me, but for some reason, I believe that if I were to throw a birthday party, it would be a burden to those who were invited.

• 01:10

  They'd be like, oh, come on, another one.

• 01:13

  I don't have time for this.

• 01:15

  I have shit to do.

• 01:16

  I don't want to go out tonight.

• 01:17

  Fuck.

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