You're listening to life kit from NPR.
Hey, everybody, it's Marielle Seguera.
Raise your hand if you think it's a moral failure to leave dirty dishes sitting in your sink for a day.
It's kind of a funny question, right?
I don't know anybody that would say yes.
But if you ask someone, do you feel shame if you leave your dishes in the sink for too long?
A lot of people say yes.
I mean, it's true.
Sometimes it feels like the dishes are silently judging me from across the room.
Same goes for that dusty bookshelf and the unfolded laundry that's constantly giving me the side eye.
That was Casey Davis, by the way.
She's a therapist, and she wrote a book called how to keep House while drowning, a gentle approach to cleaning and organizing.
She says the problem is that when we think of chores as a moral obligation but we aren't doing them, it's easy to spiral.
I'm just not responsible.
I'm just not mature.
I'm just not good enough.
I just don't work hard enough.
I'm just lazy.
When you believe that that's the issue, the only solution to that is try harder, be better.
But I have found, just clinically, as a therapist and in speaking to other therapist friends, like, that's almost never the issue.