You're listening to life kit from NPR.
So you're serious about dating.
You want to partner for the long run.
You're looking for the one.
I think that it's very sweet and romantic, and I want to believe in soul mates, and a big part of me really does.
But this also feels like I've been brainwashed by Disney movies, and I don't want to give Disney movies and fairy tales all that much, much power over me.
And you probably don't want to do that either.
That's Jeff Gunther, a Portland based relationship therapist in private practice.
You might know him as therapy Jeff on TikTok and Instagram, where he offers relationship advice on everything from why you can't get over your ex to how to help your partner during a mental health crisis.
He says dating can be hard work these days, especially if you're showing up to that dinner in a movie with lofty hopes or unrealistic expectations for the person sitting across from you.
I think you're really setting yourself up because, like, if you're looking for the one, I feel like the one probably feels like they need to be really perfect.
They need to just, like, hit the ball out of the park every single time, and you're not giving them enough room to fail or be imperfect or have flaws.
When you're in a romantic relationship, or at least on the path to one, you might be quick to think about your own needs.
What can this person do for me?
Will they impress grandma?
Will they cook vegan meals with me every night?
Are they fun enough?
Do we look good together?
Do they provide for me down the line?
But Jeff wants us to think beyond this main character narrative.