You're listening to life kit from NPR.
Hey, everybody, it's Marielle.
I wonder sometimes, why is it that as humans, we can be our most confident, together, relaxed selves, and then romance comes into the picture and we get weird?
I mean, I've noticed this for a long time.
Like, you can have a friend who is, like, a really stable, rational friend, and then in their dating life, they're, like, a completely different person.
Alison Raskin is a writer, a podcaster, and a mental health advocate, and she has a theory.
I think it's because it's a part of us that is asked to be the most vulnerable.
Like, it is often where we have the most intimacy.
It's also more, I think, appearance based than other aspects of our lives.
There's a lot of insecurity around, like, outright rejection.
It's really high stakes, and it kind of taps into the societal messaging that we should always have a partner, and that having a partner is a signal of your self worth.
And so I think there's just so much tied into romantic relationships that it can bring out parts of us we don't experience in other aspects of our lives.
Allison wrote a book called Overthinking, about you navigating romantic relationships when you have anxiety, OCD, and or depression.
Those are three things that she's dealt with personally, and there are also three disorders that tend to co occur.
So this episode is for the folks in the book title, but she's gotten feedback that the advice is also helpful.
In general, because in reality, like, relationships, and especially romantic relationships, can sort of ignite anxiety in us, even if we don't necessarily have anxiety in other aspects of our lives.
And I also think just being in relation with another person can be really confusing.
Oh, also, because many of us have been taught that we will have all of our physical, emotional, and social needs met by our soulmate or romantic partner.
You know, the one.
And if you think about it that way, a date feels like an audition for the role of your everything.