You're listening to life kit from NPR.
Hey, everybody, it's Marielle.
So happy almost Valentine's Day.
You know those little Valentine's Day cards that have the cute, corny messages on them, like the classic be mine.
Or maybe there's a bunny holding a heart, and it says, some bunny loves you.
You know what those never say?
Let's fight.
Everybody talks about the romance of relationships, the red roses and endless sex, but nobody really wants to think about the disagreements that are a completely normal part of a partnership.
A lot of people really don't know how to manage conflict.
What we're seeing a lot is couples in the United States are engaged in kind of a standoff.
So they.
They start by presenting the issue as a defect in their partner's personality, which just leads the partner to become defensive, and it escalates very quickly into a standoff, an attack, defend standoff.
And when that happens, it really is very dangerous for the future of the relationship.
Any of that sound familiar?
If so, it's time to change how you view your disagreements.
Conflict really has a purpose, and the purpose is mutual understanding.
That was Julie and John Gottman, world renowned researchers and clinical psychologists who've been married for more than 30 years and have spent the last 40 dedicated to the study and practice of fostering healthy, long lasting relationships.
They've watched thousands of couples argue, and they are able to predict with over 90% accuracy if a couple will stay together after witnessing just three minutes of a conflict.
Yeah, how you fight matters a lot more than you might think.
The Gottman's new book, fight right, details the keys to successful conflict found in couples that master love.